just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
