took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize