I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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