I think scott just propositioned me for sex
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
