if you like me you must not know who I am
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize