i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
