Who did Billy Mays play for?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
