you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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