I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
