just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
