Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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