Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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