He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
