Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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