You don't have asthma, your pregnant
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
