Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize