ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
