normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
