I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
