Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
