Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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