I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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