Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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