dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
