How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
