i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
