this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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