New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize