..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
