piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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