i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
