Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
