Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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