Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
