I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
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