I think I died a long time ago.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
