her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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