I wanna bring you to show and tell
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
