i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
