I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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