Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
