my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
