And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
dude. I can hear the air.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
