But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
