Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
