You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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