You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
