I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
