i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Panties = found
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
