There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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