i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize