I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
