I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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