so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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