oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize