just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
