i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
