I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
