No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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