I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
We don't watch enough power rangers
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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