it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
