thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize