So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
