The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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