I think I won the penis lottery.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
