I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
