No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
