K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
