her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
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