i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize