Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
