whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
