Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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