that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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