Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
