That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
