You smell like a Billy Joel song
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize