I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
