I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize