it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
