i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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