K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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