my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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