Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
she smelled like a LAN party
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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