Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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