i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
50% drunk capacity currently
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
