Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
