do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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