My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
