sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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