Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
we made out on top of his cat.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
where are you?
Hypothermia
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
