good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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