also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize