i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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