i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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