i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you inspire me to be a worse person
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
