I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
