Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The Olympian is in my bed
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
