Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
