i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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