right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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