I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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