im gay
i know
yea but for you.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Vodka?
Forever.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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