1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
