Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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